It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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