I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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