I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
