Can i not drive my cunt home
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And then my night got REAL pukey
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
