When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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