Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
