so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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