It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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