does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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