I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
