My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
