yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize