If i come over, it means nothing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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