Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
