Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
