just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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