Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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