I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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