His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
