I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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