Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
