She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Come on in and take your pants off
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
