im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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