he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
