rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
