Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
