So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
