There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
