I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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