It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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