hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Found the puke drawer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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