I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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