I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
