Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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