So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
