Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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