My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
