this beer tastes like vomit already
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
