I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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