Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
