I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
