After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
