he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
