just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
