DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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