i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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