lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
