you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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