Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
