Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
