Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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