Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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