Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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