I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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