i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
