Me too!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
