I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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