his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
