I think I just saw someone hide a body.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize