omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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