for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Everyone says I win the strip club
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
