theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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