White coat. Heels.
My hand turned me down
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
