No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
