sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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