it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
