I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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