Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize