What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
