thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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