remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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