conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
