We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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