New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
